It is always a very bitter pill to swallow when this happens. It is no small thing - when my back seizes up it doesn't let go for months, or even years. It completely changes my life in an instant. I become totally handicapped. Crippled in a horrible flash of pain - totally immobilized, and in great pain (the worst I've ever felt, including child birth) with the slightest movement. :( It happens out of the blue, too, no warning. I'll be doing some normal thing like chopping some veggies, taking a shower, or simply leaning over, and the sacroiliac joint in my lower back fires up and sends out a TORTUROUS nerve-burning pain up my back, sending me into the fetal position on the floor, or if I'm lucky to the bed where I lie completely unable to turn, move, roll, or go to the bathroom. It's true hell.
During these times my world becomes totally small. It's like a pretty prison. My room - my bed - what I can see out the window - the bathroom. And with literally nothing to do. I can barely dress myself, let alone clean the house or cook anything, or walk the dog, or go anywhere. It is a total psychological mind-f***.
Evidently nobody else can do anything about it either. The doctors don't know what's wrong with me, none of my MRI's show anything, nor the X-rays - injections don't help, PT hurts me, those "Tens" machines do nothing for me, support belts hurt me, acupuncture, shiatsu, rolfing, supplements, swimming, cupping, I've tried it all. I've read a LOT online, and I've diagnosed myself with "Sacro Illiac Joint Disorder". I'm pretty sure that's what I've got, and the only treatment I can find online for it is rest, ice, and medication. And so that's what I do.
I do believe in trusting the universe. I do believe that we are going through what we are supposed to be going through, that there is a lesson in all of it. I just wish I could learn it already, and move on. It's been 12 years of pain, for cryin' out loud - and probably four of those spent in bed. I'm only 50 years old, I'm very healthy otherwise, and I'm a new empty-nester - I am ready to rock!
But the universe is saying, "Hold on there, honey."
So - there I am. In a tough spot. I guess it's time to go small again. To dig deep, to notice the little things. I thought I had done enough of that over the last four years, but I guess not.
I sincerely apologize to all of you that have invited me to art shows, birthday parties, going away parties, concerts, happy hours and yard sales that I can't go to, at least right now. Believe me, I was so ready to mix and mingle and have fun with you all, after a long time of difficulties - but I guess that's not meant to be.
Meanwhile, I have to actually do something creative, or I'll go crazy. So - my goal while I'm stuck? Write. Write, write, write. And make whatever art I can.
In closing, a kindly word to the wise: do appreciate your back. If you have a healthy back and a body that can move without pain - ENJOY IT. Don't hurt it, treat it well, and love your life. And, if you ever find yourself needing handicapped fashion tips - I've got you covered.