Sickness and Cinema


Well folks, I'm back from some pretty strange, delirious worlds, all of them fuzzy and some of them starring...Tom Selleck? I've been sick as a tiny frail dog for a week, but I'm much better now, and as a result I have many wonderful movie reviews for you! So very many -- I must have watched about 15 movies in the last 5 days.
  I woke up Friday morning with waves of serious vertigo, dizziness and nausea. I was diagnosed with "Labyrinthitis" (which Greg suggested I meant that I went into labyrinths too much, but which actually is an inflammation of the inner ear.) so for 5 days I couldn't move around a whole lot, or eat very much, which resulted in me watching movies all day long.

  Now in my weakened state, I have to confess that my regular "filter", or point of view, was quite altered. I would bond violently with characters and suffer real emotion along with them. From time to time, clutching my blanket on the couch, I would burst out in tittering laughter, or sudden sobs. They sounded very similar, actually and both resulted in copious amounts of moisture leaking from my eyes. I was a wreck! But I actually had a great time!

For your enjoyment and edification, here is the list, in no particular order:

Pirate Radio -- AWESOME. Hilarious, stylish, cool. And Bill Nighy is in it. "Nuff said.




Lord of the Rings -- AWESOME. Of course I've seen this many times before. But when I'm sick I like to look at Aragorn and Boromir. It's medicinal!

Jaws 2 -- AWESOME. This one is as good as the first one, even though sadly it does not have Richard Dreyfuss in it, or Robert Shaw of course. BUT the totally awesome kick ass Roy Scheider can carry the movie all by himself! Roy Scheider has the sexiest 70's man legs ever in his cut-off beach shorts and slip on sneakers. Watching him run around in beach police vehicles and boats trying to kill that shark is so much fun. Plus, some of the teenagers that are in it are straight out of the Brady Bunch and although a few did display some surprising acting skills, they still got eaten.




Love and Other Drugs -- eh.  Both stars are sexy and charming. But it was draining and boring at the same time.

Bambi 2 -- sad and bad. I tried this, burst into uncontrollable sobbing, came back to it, hated the cheap animation and turned it off.

Forget Paris -- AWESOME.  I wanted to watch this movie on a loop. Billy Crystal at his best, Deborah Winger fer cryin' out loud, and great character actors. He's an NBA referee, she's an airline agent in Paris. It's 1980's romance, and it's totally soothing music to a sick person.


Two Men and a Little Lady -- AWESOME.  Honest to god. I'm not lying. But I was sick, keep in mind. Evidently this  movie is a sequel to another movie called "Two Men and a Baby" which I have not seen. I don't need to, really, I think this was enough. But Ted Danson in this movie is fucking hilarious (excuse me), and Tom Selleck...well, he's Tom fucking Selleck. He's hot, even with a hawaiian shirt on, even with shoulder pads. He's the hottest man on the planet. (And he seems so kind!)  But Steve Guttenberg? Poor thing. (guess who else is in this? Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter!)

2012 -- AWESOME. This movie is hilarious, terrifying, and a jaunty romp through the apocolypse. I loved it, and was hanging on the edge of my seat. Poor Danny Glover. And watching a huge tsunami smash through the himalayas and wipe out monk's huts on the summits is pretty awesome. And, it really is a miracle because John Cusack, middle-aged ADD hipster guy, played a flawed but heroic dad, and he made me cry, too! (It wasn't hard, I was sick) It was even at the part where he hugs his son after diving under water to save the ship so they're hugging in the water, etc....so no matter HOW corny, I still cried! Unbelievable. But great! I didn't appreciate what happened to the step dad, "Gordon" played by Greg Kinnear. Step parents always get the bad rap. Killed, even! They conveniently disappear so the parents can get back together. Greg Kinnear got munched in some giant gears. Sad!

Working Girl -- AWESOME. Another movie I could watch on a loop. I don't care much for Melanie Griffith as a rule, but this movie is so much fun.The 80's element of this movie is fantastic, from the enormous Jersey hair and giant earrings to the full-length furs with shoulder pads.  Sigourney Weaver and Harrison Ford look so young. I normally hate the sound of Giffith's breathy voice, but it's one of my favorite things in this movie. That and the solid clink of huge gold earrings against the phone.




Valentino the Last Emperor--(a little dull, but an amazing ending) He is a genius, and his life is surreal. The beauty of the end of movie caused me to... you guessed it, burst into tears. It was very moving, especially when Karl Lagerfeld grabbed his hand and whispered fervently, "Next to us, they are all making RAGS!"

How to Train Your Dragon --AWESOME.  Love this movie! Vikings! Animated Beard Braids! The dragon....is adorable. And exactly like my big black lab, Faye.

Up - AWESOME. Brilliant characters, adorable and gut-bustingly funny. Charming beyond measure. Especially Kevin the bird.

She's Just Not That Into You (fun, lots of stars) I didn't know who was in this movie, but it was fun being surprised by yet another star popping up. A mindless piece of fun twaddle.

Solaris -- Good, but a little nauseating. The pulsing, hallucinogenic nature of this movie, not to mention the multi colored gasses that surround the planet Solaris make my sickness feel worse. But, George Cloony in a space suit makes it all better. George Cloony in a StarTrek-like space bed is really good, too.

Woman Scorned: the Betty Broderick Story -- AWESOME. This movie kicks ass. Total 80's blowout starring Meredith Baxter Birney as Betty Broderick a real-life socialite that shot her husband and his new wife. This was a real couch-gripper watching Meredith in her rage and her 80's chanel earrings ram her car through the front of a house.

So much so in fact that the next movie was:

Her Final Fury: the Betty Broderick Story 2 -- eh. The sequel is about her unsuccessful trials is definitely not as interesting as the initial action.


48 Hours -- AWESOME.   I have to admit, I only made it to the middle of the movie when I heard my favorite movie line of the moment. Nick Nolte says to Eddie Murphy (cover your ears, kids)

"You've been dicking me around ever since we started this turd fest!"

When I heard that, I was done with watching tv, and gleefully repeating that phrase to myself for the rest of the day. I confused Greg when I used it on him after he asked what was for dinner.

So seeing as how I rated almost every movie as AWESOME, and I was delirious with Labyrinthitis, it might still be that you won't enjoy these movies the same way, or at all. But if you're ever sick, you'll have a handy list all ready to go!




Comments

Stephilius said…
Hilarious reviews! Glad you're feeling better.
noelle said…
i can't believe you didn't watch Labyrinth! David Bowie and muppets! Glad you are well again!
Anonymous said…
This blog post - AWESOME. Seriously, I think it's my favorite one ever.

Morgan

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