Elle est un Peu Zinzin sur les Bords.....(She is a bit on the cracked side, literally she is cracked around the edges.)

My new favorite book: "Merde! The Real French You Were Never Taught in School" by Genevieve.I am a huge fan of this hilarious read. Even if you never use the super-creative slang and often filthy expressions in this delightful book, it is just plain fun to read the literal translations and practice your accent while wrapping your lips around these truly disgusting vulgarities. Warning: Offensive language. If you can't take it, foutez le camp (get the f*** out of here!)

Here are a few of my favorite(and sometimes useful) phrases and expressions:

  • "Ou as-tu foutu les clefs de la maison?" Where the hell did you put the house keys?

  •   "Il pet plus haut que son cul!" He thinks very highly of himself. (literally, he farts higher than his ass.)

  • "T'as vu ses ecrases-merdes?" Have you seen his really big shoes? (literally his shit squishers)

    This one relates to current events if you substitute the name "Dominic Strauss-Kahn for Pere Dupont:

  • "Fais gaffe au Pere Dupont, il a le demonde midi, il court apres tous les nanas du bureau, a la main baladeuse, et te sautera dessus si tu te trouve seule avec lui." Watch out for Father Dupont, he suffers from middle-aged horniness, chases all the girls at the office and will jump you if you are alone with him.

  • "Les journalistes, ca picole drolement" Journalists are all boozers.

  • "Les gosses ont besoin qu'on leur foute les baffes de temps en temps" Kids need to be slapped from time to time. 

  • "Ce salaud t'a roule, t'as casque une fortune pour du toc."That bastard ripped you off, you forked out a fortune on fake junk.

  • "Comment, ma fille epouser un cul-terreux et aller habiter a perpete dans un bled perdu? Pas question." What, my daughter marry a peasant and live in the boondocks in some god-forsaken hole? Absolutely not. ("cul-terreux" literally someone's ass that is covered in dirt.)

  • "Allez, bouge ton cul vielle bique" Come on, move your ass, old hag. ( "la bique" literally, the nanny goat.)

  • "On a fait le nouba chez les Duponts (again the Duponts! They are bad news!) Y'avait du champagne a gogo tout le monde etait paf, ca degeulait partout!" We whooped it up at the Duponts, there was champagne galore, everyone was drunk, people were puking everywhere.

    "Une armoire a glace"-- A great, hulking brute (literally, an armoire)
    "Etre plat comme un planche a pain -- to be flat chested (literally to be flat as a bread board)
    "Un pot a tabac" -- a dumpy little woman (literally a pot of tobacco)
    "Avoir les cuisses legeres"--to be an easy lay (literally to have light thighs)
    "Avoir les atomes crochues" -- to hit it off (literally to have hooked atoms)

    So handy, non? Probably not the best gift to a beginning speaker, they'll have enough challenges without inciting possible violence using dirty slang, but for the more advanced speaker this book is a hoot! (literally, the sound of an owl being excited.) If you need even more dirty french try the sequel, "Merde Encore!"

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